How a Sprig of Holly Saved My Father's Life

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My parents' last home together was in a retirement community. They were in the "independent living" section, which consisted of adjoining townhouses on quiet neighborhood streets within a larger complex. My mother died in 2000, and my father lived on for another 6 years, by himself, in that townhouse.

He was good friends with a number of his neighbors, and they looked out for each other.  I'm not sure how this practice started, but he and a neighbor across the street agreed to put a sprig of holly on the mailbox next to their door each night before they went to sleep. In the morning, they were to bring it in, to signal that they were awake and OK.  One morning, my father's holly was not brought in.  His watchful neighbor noticed, knocked on his door, and was unable to rouse him. The property management people let him in, and they discovered my father slumped over a chair.  He had developed a severe case of shingles, but had no idea what it was. He was never one to consult doctors until it was urgent, so had not sought care. He thought it would go away on its own. He had almost lost consciousness and could not move. Without being discovered, he would have died. By the time he was able to receive treatment, the virus had done considerable damage.  Although he survived the crisis, he was never able to return to an independent living situation. That began a fairly steep decline that lasted two years.

<Public Service Announcement: GET YOUR SHINGLES VACCINE!!  The CDC recommends the shingles vaccine for adults age 50 or older and for adults age 19 or older with weakened immune systems.>

But that's not my primary point in this essay -- which is the importance of looking out for each other, especially for people living alone, regardless of their age. At the last medical visit I had with my PCP, I was asked to complete a number of questionnaires ahead of time. One of them asked whether I lived alone. When I checked "yes," it followed up to ask whether someone checked on me each day. I am fortunate to be able to answer "yes." I assume that the computer would flag a "no" response for follow-up by the doctor. Such a simple, yet important, question. It makes me think of Lester Holt's sign-off each night from the NBC Nightly News: "Take care of yourself ... and each other."

There has been much discussion in professional circles and in the media about topics such as loneliness, isolation, solitude, and how they differ. The current Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, released a Call for Action in May 2023 to address what he framed as a public health crisis, the epidemic of loneliness and isolation in the United States.

Here are a few paragraphs from the press release for that report. The full press release is linked HERE, and the full report pdf is linked HERE.

The physical health consequences of poor or insufficient connection include a 29% increased risk of heart disease, a 32% increased risk of stroke, and a 50% increased risk of developing dementia for older adults. Additionally, lacking social connection increases risk of premature death by more than 60%.

In addition to our physical health, loneliness and isolation contribute substantially to mental health challenges. In adults, the risk of developing depression among people who report feeling lonely often is more than double that of people who rarely or never feel lonely. Loneliness and social isolation in childhood increase the risk of depression and anxiety both immediately and well into the future. And with more than one in five adults and more than one in three young adults living with a mental illness in the U.S., addressing loneliness and isolation is critical in order to fully address the mental health crisis in America.

While the epidemic of loneliness and isolation is widespread and has profound consequences for our individual and collective health and well-being, there is a medicine hiding in plain sight: social connection.

Such a delightful conclusion: social connection as medicine. I've already written HERE about music as medicine, and will write more on that topic. And the good news is that there are no co-pays or deductibles for either social connection or music.

I'd be very interested in your thoughts about how to increase social connection in a country where its lack is considered a public health crisis.  Do you have a loved one (of any age) who lives alone? If so, do you (or does someone) check on them every day? Do you live alone? If so, does anyone check on you each day? Who could you ask to do that? You might be surprised how readily a friend or family member, even at a distance, would be willing to do that. It could be as easy as sending a brief text, or putting out a symbolic sprig of holly. Feel free to comment.

I will close with a shout-out to Surgeon General Vivek Murthy and his team, who have used his bully pulpit to highlight several public health crises that are behavioral and social in nature. Here are links to several of his recent important reports (just click on the titles).

Firearm Violence: A Public Health Crisis in America (2024)

National Strategy for Suicide Prevention (2024)

Parents Under Pressure: The US Surgeon General's Advisory on the Mental Health & Well-Being of Parents (2024)

Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The US Surgeon General's Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community (2023)

Social Media and Youth Mental Health (2023)

A full list, with links, of reports going back to 2000 is linked HERE. IMHO these reports merit much wider attention.

It’s probably no coincidence that yesterday on my way to a meeting, I was listening to “Science Friday,” and who was Ira Flato interviewing? Dr. Vivek Murthy! HERE is a link to the full podcast of that interview.

[This essay is dedicated to the memory of my father, Floyd Bowen Grotevant, Jr., who would have been 104 years old on September 20. Rest in peace, Dad; and mainly, thank you. His obituary is linked HERE.]