Dear Hal, I'm "reading backwards" to catch up on your writing.
I've just read your 1st post - through tears - as I resonate so deeply with experiences of loss & uncertainty, albeit in other areas of my life.
I want to take a moment to acknowledge what an extraordinary life & love relationship you and Susan shared. It's inspiring to know your love journey together - and heart-breaking, as well.
Your essay brought me back to 2005, when Dr. David Olson introduced me to you - and you became my advisor in Family Social Science (a different name then) at UMN. And...with tears, I could hear Jean's voice (and most certainly, her manerisms) when she said, "Hal, you've been given the gift of shoveling."
Having spent decades in the Minnesota winter wonderland, I identified
with you, and laughed (empathy!) And having lived - and now living - a "time-of-shoveling" in my own life, I took a deep breath...and exhaled fully...Oh, Jean, I thought, thank you for your wisdom.
And thank you, Hal, for sharing so deeply & authentically. Best, Jane
Dear Jane, Thanks for your thoughtful comments. We do share the experience of knowing Jean, and that special "look" she could give! She was indeed wise. And thank you for your condolences --- warmly appreciated.
Thanks so much, Rachel! I'm glad these are resonating for you. The encounter I wrote about in the ending has stuck with me all these years, and I do frequently invoke it as needed! It was a huge gift from Jean. It's funny how small encounters which the other party may not even remember can be so impactful in unexpected ways.
Hi Hal. I’m not sure you’ll remember me as we’ve only meet briefly when I was in high school. I’m a friend of Lily Stowe-Alekman’s, and I watched your cat a time or two when you were away. We’ve remained Facebook fiends since then and I was very sorry to hear about Susan’s passing. I am now a graduate student at the Massachusetts College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences, hoping to become a PA. I also worked in emergency medicine for four years before starting this program and I, as many others would as well, agree that the healthcare system is broken. The curriculum we are being taught in my program acknowledges the healthcare systems shortfalls and is emphasizing the whole patient approach to medicine as well as the inclusion of families in care. A recent lecture caught my attention, and the topic was the rising popularity of palliative care. What came out of the lecture would be too much to summarize in even a few sentences, but it did pique my interest enough to know that one of my elective rotations will be in that specialty. You said you would be sharing your experiences with the medical field from time to time, and I look forward to hearing about and learning from them as I hope to be a part of a new generation of upcoming providers that may improve the field, even if in some small ways.
Dear Rachel -- I do indeed remember you and your kindness in caring for our cats. Thanks for your condolences on Susan's passing - it's hard to believe it's been almost a year (July 3). I so appreciate hearing about your graduate program and plans for the future, and what you say is so true about our health care system. But I find it heartening that your curriculum addresses that directly. When Susan entered the hospital for the last time, we worked with the palliative care department until they could stabilize her enough for transfer to hospice care -- and I have such positive feelings about both. The palliative care staff were so compassionate, and I am so glad you'll be able to pursue that in your studies. The hospice folks were unbelievably helpful -- we need more people like that who can look at the whole person AND their family and broader contexts. I just finished re-reading a book which I think you might appreciate: "Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End," by Atul Gawande. He's a physician who has shown the world a different way to talk with patients about their own mortality. I will be writing about it in the future, but I highly commend it to you. Thanks so much for your comment, and I hope we can stay in touch. In the meantime, wishing you the very best with your studies.
Hal, thank you for making yourself vulnerable on a topic that so many people shy away from. I found Anderson Cooper's podcast, All There Is, another example of strength and comfort. Not only his processing of multiple losses in his own family, but also interviews with many articulate people who opened their hearts about how they coped.
I'm also reminded of a Chinese saying that Nicholas Kristof quoted in a recent webinar with the president of J Street. He was talking about covering tragedy and despair and how one maintains hope. "Cross a stream by feeling for the next stone with your bare feet."
Dear Kris, Thanks so much for sharing these thoughts. I will follow up on Anderson's podcast - sounds worth a listen. And I love the sensation of "feeling for the next stone with your bare feet." Very evocative. Thanks for sharing this journey with me. I know you have stories of your own!
I’m so glad you are sharing your lived experiences and thoughts with us in this real, practical and at times profound way, Hal. We all want to be seen. Will follow up on some of the musical inspirations you referenced. I knew Ira Iscoe when he was director of Counseling and Psychological Services at UT Austin. I was working for the VP of Student Affairs at the time and would chat with him prior to staff meetings. He always made me feel seen.
Ira was a fascinating character -- and yes, he did make one seen. My Abnormal Psych class with him included 500 students in Batts Auditorium -- and I remember him saying on the first day that he knew that some of us would be seeking letters of recommendation for graduate school, but it would be impossible for him to know all of us. So he said that if we earned an A in his class, he'd write a letter. I worked my tush off -- outlined every chapter in that huge Coleman tome and took many many pages of lecture notes, In the end, I did make an A, and he did write a letter for me. It helped me get into all the schools I applied to, incl the U of Minnesota Institute of Child Development, which was my first choice. When I was later a faculty member at UT, I was on a number of committees with him, and it was fun to get to know him in a new way.
Dear Hal, I'm "reading backwards" to catch up on your writing.
I've just read your 1st post - through tears - as I resonate so deeply with experiences of loss & uncertainty, albeit in other areas of my life.
I want to take a moment to acknowledge what an extraordinary life & love relationship you and Susan shared. It's inspiring to know your love journey together - and heart-breaking, as well.
Your essay brought me back to 2005, when Dr. David Olson introduced me to you - and you became my advisor in Family Social Science (a different name then) at UMN. And...with tears, I could hear Jean's voice (and most certainly, her manerisms) when she said, "Hal, you've been given the gift of shoveling."
Having spent decades in the Minnesota winter wonderland, I identified
with you, and laughed (empathy!) And having lived - and now living - a "time-of-shoveling" in my own life, I took a deep breath...and exhaled fully...Oh, Jean, I thought, thank you for your wisdom.
And thank you, Hal, for sharing so deeply & authentically. Best, Jane
Dear Jane, Thanks for your thoughtful comments. We do share the experience of knowing Jean, and that special "look" she could give! She was indeed wise. And thank you for your condolences --- warmly appreciated.
Oh Hal, I love this ending so, so much!! <3 Great post! Love your thoughts!
Thanks so much, Rachel! I'm glad these are resonating for you. The encounter I wrote about in the ending has stuck with me all these years, and I do frequently invoke it as needed! It was a huge gift from Jean. It's funny how small encounters which the other party may not even remember can be so impactful in unexpected ways.
Hi Hal. I’m not sure you’ll remember me as we’ve only meet briefly when I was in high school. I’m a friend of Lily Stowe-Alekman’s, and I watched your cat a time or two when you were away. We’ve remained Facebook fiends since then and I was very sorry to hear about Susan’s passing. I am now a graduate student at the Massachusetts College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences, hoping to become a PA. I also worked in emergency medicine for four years before starting this program and I, as many others would as well, agree that the healthcare system is broken. The curriculum we are being taught in my program acknowledges the healthcare systems shortfalls and is emphasizing the whole patient approach to medicine as well as the inclusion of families in care. A recent lecture caught my attention, and the topic was the rising popularity of palliative care. What came out of the lecture would be too much to summarize in even a few sentences, but it did pique my interest enough to know that one of my elective rotations will be in that specialty. You said you would be sharing your experiences with the medical field from time to time, and I look forward to hearing about and learning from them as I hope to be a part of a new generation of upcoming providers that may improve the field, even if in some small ways.
Dear Rachel -- I do indeed remember you and your kindness in caring for our cats. Thanks for your condolences on Susan's passing - it's hard to believe it's been almost a year (July 3). I so appreciate hearing about your graduate program and plans for the future, and what you say is so true about our health care system. But I find it heartening that your curriculum addresses that directly. When Susan entered the hospital for the last time, we worked with the palliative care department until they could stabilize her enough for transfer to hospice care -- and I have such positive feelings about both. The palliative care staff were so compassionate, and I am so glad you'll be able to pursue that in your studies. The hospice folks were unbelievably helpful -- we need more people like that who can look at the whole person AND their family and broader contexts. I just finished re-reading a book which I think you might appreciate: "Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End," by Atul Gawande. He's a physician who has shown the world a different way to talk with patients about their own mortality. I will be writing about it in the future, but I highly commend it to you. Thanks so much for your comment, and I hope we can stay in touch. In the meantime, wishing you the very best with your studies.
Hal, thank you for making yourself vulnerable on a topic that so many people shy away from. I found Anderson Cooper's podcast, All There Is, another example of strength and comfort. Not only his processing of multiple losses in his own family, but also interviews with many articulate people who opened their hearts about how they coped.
I'm also reminded of a Chinese saying that Nicholas Kristof quoted in a recent webinar with the president of J Street. He was talking about covering tragedy and despair and how one maintains hope. "Cross a stream by feeling for the next stone with your bare feet."
Thank you for sharing!
Dear Kris, Thanks so much for sharing these thoughts. I will follow up on Anderson's podcast - sounds worth a listen. And I love the sensation of "feeling for the next stone with your bare feet." Very evocative. Thanks for sharing this journey with me. I know you have stories of your own!
I’m so glad you are sharing your lived experiences and thoughts with us in this real, practical and at times profound way, Hal. We all want to be seen. Will follow up on some of the musical inspirations you referenced. I knew Ira Iscoe when he was director of Counseling and Psychological Services at UT Austin. I was working for the VP of Student Affairs at the time and would chat with him prior to staff meetings. He always made me feel seen.
Ira was a fascinating character -- and yes, he did make one seen. My Abnormal Psych class with him included 500 students in Batts Auditorium -- and I remember him saying on the first day that he knew that some of us would be seeking letters of recommendation for graduate school, but it would be impossible for him to know all of us. So he said that if we earned an A in his class, he'd write a letter. I worked my tush off -- outlined every chapter in that huge Coleman tome and took many many pages of lecture notes, In the end, I did make an A, and he did write a letter for me. It helped me get into all the schools I applied to, incl the U of Minnesota Institute of Child Development, which was my first choice. When I was later a faculty member at UT, I was on a number of committees with him, and it was fun to get to know him in a new way.